Silly Love Songs Take Two
by jensmiling
Summary: A humorous rewrite of how Silly Love Songs should have gone down. Finchel/Quick/Kurt/Mr Shue/ Sam/Bartie/Tike and pretty much everyone else.. It's just for fun, I'm not seriously suggesting this happens!
1. Chapter 1

This is a totally random story. I quite liked Silly Love Songs but there were so many inconsistencies with the story.I'm off work because I'm sick, so I decided to rewrite the script . This shows how all the main issues of Glee could be resolved in like ten minutes. Finchel and Quick mainly. It's supposed to be funny and a poke at the writers, not serious. I hope being sick hasn't made me delirious.

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_(Finn waiting at Kissing booth.__ Rachel approaches.)_

Finn: Hey Rachel. I kinda have a queue so…

Rachel: (_slaps Finn__**) **_

Finn: Hey, how come you always get to do that! You know I'm a frickin star right now, I could totally get one of these girls to bitch slap you. And film it.

Rachel:Please you won by shouting the word 'brains' to psyche out the other team. Come to think of it have you ever won a football game by playing by rules?

(_Finn winks at a girl passing by)_

Rachel: You suck! (_slaps Finn again)_

Finn: Oh look what I have? It's a necklace. It's your Christmas present.

Rachel: So you've been carrying this around for two months on the odd chance you'd see me? Plus, we broke up like the end of November. This makes no sense.

Finn: Yes but the important thing is that I'm over you. Yet at the same time I'm going to talk to you like I'm in love with you. Rachel please let me put it on you and stare into your eyes. Your amazing. Do you how many girls I've kissed today? I'm such a stud.

(_putting 'off' sign on booth and walking to locker with Rachel)_

Rachel:Your such a _douche._

Finn: I know that nothing I say makes sense. I mean one day I totally wake and decide to be all heartbroken, the next I pretend I was never even into you. It's like someone keeps rewiring my brain. Hey look there's Quinn! I know I haven't thought about her for almost a year, but I'm suddenly really attracted to her again. I hope she cheats on her boyfriend with me.

Quinn: Hey Finn! I know I showed no interest in you when we were together and lied the entire time, but it turns out I'm in love with you. I prayed so hard but it turns out even God can't hold us back!

Finn: Amen! And you never cheated on me, so score!

Quinn: Well I did lose my virginity to your best friend.

Finn: Meh, it's not as bad as Rachel. Did you know she kissed Puck! On the lips! Bitch, she didn't love me at all. And she had the nerve to tell me straight away rather than lie.

Rachel: Are we continually bypassing the fact you cheated on Quinn several times. Doesn't that mean you don't love her?

Finn: Rachel I cheated on Quinn because I was vulnerable and most importantly a victim. The thing with Quinn and Puck was forever ago. It's you that's 100% in the wrong here.

Rachel: This is ridiculous, here have your stupid necklace! It lacks originality as a gift anyways.

(_Goes to leave, but sees Sam arriving)_

Sam: I just want to say I'm fine with you guys dating. I have a ton of issues to work on, what with my little acknowledged eating disorder, my dyslexia and my rapidly changing personality.

Quinn: Now that I think about it, I have a lot of issues too. I mean, didn't I have a baby? With Puck?

Puck: Totally, I forgot about that! Plus didn't Rachel's mom adopt her?

Rachel: Oh yes! We never mention her either. Is that…

Jesse: RACHEL! Do you remember me everyone? I'm here to remind everyone that I am the guy who was in love with you and then dumped you for little reason at all!

Finn: Oh yeah! Man I spent months trying to steal her off you. *brain magically reprograms*. Rachel, how could I have forgotten our epic romance! I want you back immediately. Damn I want to kick Jesse's ass.

Jesse: My work here is done. (_leaves. Camera zooms in to reveal he is wearing a Burger King Uniform.)_

Finn: Quinn; let's face it, it was pretty horrendous the first time around.

Quinn: That's fine by me Finn. I think I might give it a go with the father of my child. (_kisses Puck) _Why is Kurt here?

Kurt: I'm literally wandering the halls. I have no idea of I live with my dad, with Finn or in the boarding at Dalton. Plus, I figure my parent's honeymoon money ran out weeks ago, so I'm confused about which school I go to. I guess a house is really not a home. (_gives Finn a glass of warm milk)_

Rachel: Kurt, I am about to begin a song about my independence: join me? Finn, it is important I evolve as a human being before we get back together. I must realise my self-worth. Why don't you flirt with Quinn for a while, then we can sing a duet and make out; making it official in around 3 weeks? Just in time for Regionals.

Quinn: That's a really good idea Rachel. Can we try that Puck? I think it would be epic if I found Finn and Rachel making out at Regionals and then ran into your arms. Then we could all fight and Mr Shue could deliver another speech about the importance of working together as a team.

Puck: Fine by me, I still have all community service to do! You know the one I mentioned once and then totally forgot about?

Mr Shue: Hey guys, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation as it appears I don't teach Spanish anymore. I just wander the hall looking for fights to break up. Anyways, I totally agree. Would that be okay? It's just I feel pretty useless most of the time, what with the fact I let bullying go ahead under my nose and I base my lessons around words that I find at random in the dictionary. But I do love those speeches! Now come on, we only have three weeks to pick a bunch of different songs to perform, only to change our mind at the last minute; leaving us with one day to rehearse!

Karosfky (_enters conversation)_: Mr Shue, can I join Glee?

Mr Shue: This is a difficult time right now Karosfky. If we have 13 members, one above the minimum it will be less dramatic when someone quits. Plus, it's going to take you longer than week to stop being such an ass. But as soon as Sam drops out, you can have his place.

Sam: Hey! Who said I'm dropping out?

Mr Shue: No one Sam. It's just now that you're not with Quinn I just have a gut feeling you will mysteriously transfer like that Matt kid.

Finn: Guys this whole dialogue has only took ten minutes! Look how much we can establish if we put our mind to it. Usually we would have dragged this out for months on end. (_high fives everybody in the team)_

Mr Shue: I've taught you all so much. Right lets do another duet competition, we haven't done one of those for at least 6 days. I'm such an awesome teacher.

(_Group leave and follow Mr Shue into choir room)_

_THE END_

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_Just a little suggestion on how Brad and Ryan could do things different. I'm sure they'll rewrite Comeback based on this. If you laughed, please review! Did I mention I'm sick, I have lost my voice and need applause to live! _


	2. Chapter 2

I can't believe I got almost fifty reviews for my ramblings! I was going to leave this, but I'm still unwell and all this other stuff came to me last night. This is pretty much everyone in the club this chapter. Enjoy!

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_Mr Shue puts down his briefcase and takes out his marker pen. On the board he writes the word C__ANNIBALISM._

Mr Shue: Right guys, the dictionary has spoken! This week's topic; find a song that expresses your inner cannibalism! Can I have a volunteer to pick a name out of a hat?

Rachel: Isn't that people who eat humans? There are no broadway songs about that!

Finn: I'm pretty sure there's no songs about that all together. Unless, is Hannibal a musical Rach?

Mr Shue: Well, you will have to find something! What do you expect me to do? Plan relevant and appropriate lessons? (_shakes head in disgust) _I'm far too busy pretending to be in love with Emma to do that.

Quinn: Mr Shue, I think Rachel and Finn have, as usual, overlooked the most important issue. Why draw names out of a hat? I say we pick the duet partners to create maximum drama with the group. I will work with Finn, we will sing a song about returning to love, ensuring both Rachel and Puck are jealous.

Rachel: (_nodding furiously, pretending to make notes in her notebook, which is blank.) _Excellent idea! I will work on a duet with Mercedes. We have been inseparable best friends for two days now, despite ignoring each other for the past two years. I will sing about the importance of self-reliance in a very short skirt. Finn will find it irresistible.

Mercedes: Hell yeah! Hell to the nah! I am a sassy diva!

Rachel: I am enjoying our sudden friendship enormously, but do you ever say anything except those three phrases?

Mercedes (_picks up jar of tots and pours in to mouth) _I'm not sure, I mean I'm bigger than all of you so I'm obviously just obsessed with food. I can wail at the end of your duet though?

Puck: I'm going to drop out of the competition. I only sing if it's to win a girl and I'm going to end up with Quinn soon anyways, so why bother?

Tina: Mr Shue. I will be with Mike. We probably won't practice much though if I'm honest, as my chances of performing a serious song to Glee club are slim to none.

_(Bell rings)_

Mr Shue: All right! Way to go! (_Claps for no reason whatsoever). _That's it for today guys. Remember to rehearse for your cannibalism project! Great job!

Finn Hudson: Mr Shue, we've only been in here for five minutes.

Mr Shue: I appreciate that Finn, but you must understand some lessons only last five minutes. The same way that sometimes we have 2 practices a day at random times. Yet often go a week or so without being in the choir room.

Rachel: But where will we go? All we do is go to football and cheerio practice, Glee club, or hang out in the corridor.

Finn: I like to hang out in the corridor and try to find my locker. It changes position on a weekly basis.

Santana: Don't forget the time we spend in the choir room when there is no rehearsal on.

Kurt (_entering room, wearing Dalton uniform) _Don't worry its very similar at Dalton. We don't attend any lessons; I spend most of my day in a leather armchair.

Mr Shue: Kurt, I'm really glad you keep dropping by but I have a fight to break up (_picks up briefcase. It opens and drops to the floor. It is revealed that the briefcase is totally empty) _

Yeah, I just carry that around so I feel more like a teacher.

Sam: But Mr Shue, you only break up Glee fights and we're all in here.

Mr Shue: Have you not quit already? You know you are not going to get any solos now your no longer interesting, Sam!You do make a valid point though, dammit!

Artie: Don't worry Mr Shue! Mike only said yesterday how lucky we were to be in relationships without drama. This of course means we will be involved in a huge fight very soon, as his words were a very apt premonition. I predict I will suddenly remember I was madly in love with Tina and hated Brittany for taking my virginity.

Finn: That's true Mr Shue. I'm seen as dumb but a lot of the words Rach and I say have a sense of foreboding. I can't wait to see how my line about "if you love someone, you'd do anything to protect them" comes out.

Rachel: I imagine it will be revealed in about two weeks time Finn, when you tell everyone your still in love with me. Just you wait!

Finn: I thought it was three weeks?

Rachel: Yes Finn, but you need to chase me for at least a week with a heartbroken look on your face.

Mike: Dude, Can I just say I'm fine with that Artie, but Tina and I will stay together. We are both Asian and therefore we beat you.

Brittany: Besides if I break up with my Artie, then who will I be with? I have at least a year until I accept my lesbian relationship and need someone to be a father figure. Even though I'm sixteen, I have the brain of a five year old. Yet no one finds it weird that I have sex with everyone.

Artie: PREACH! That's what I say when I have nothing to contribute.

_Enter blonde football player who looked like a cherub from Superbowl episode (__A/N: quite big with curly blonde hair? Is his name Strado? Lets call him that anyways.)_

Strado: Glee club is lame! (_holds out Slushie)_

Mr Shue: Strado, I appreciate your dedication but this is getting old. Why not have a proper fight, so I can break it up?

Finn: I agree, besides 90% of our team are on the football team, were on the cheerios or are dating a football team. It makes little sense that we are still considered uncool.

Rachel: Why has no one pointed out that this is clearly not a high school student, as he looks close to thirty?

Finn: Because then everyone would suddenly realise that I too, look much older than a sixteen year old.

Artie: PREACH!

Strado: I have nothing else to do but slushy! Can I join your club please?

Mr Shue: No after Sam leaves, Karosfky is joining. Why don't you be part of the nameless band that plays every week in the background but is given no recognition? Although I'm also sure Lauren is on her way out, once Puck dumps her for Quinn.

Artie: PREACH!

Strado: Fine. I came in to give you a message. Principle Figgins wants to see you in his office with Kurt Hummel.

Sam: I'm new to the school so can I ask? Why is Shue invited to every meeting with the principle, if it's a Glee kid? It's not like he's their father!

Mr Shue: It was my idea actually. Once Finn and Rachel got together, things were pretty quiet on the drama front and I got bored.

Rachel: I bet you were glad when I acted totally out of character and cheated on Finn with someone I have no interested in?

(_Mr Shue nods and leaves with Kurt. Rachel and Finn walk to lockers, hand in hand, forgetting they're not back together yet)_

END SCENE.

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_Principle's Office._

Principle: Young man, you need to return to school immediately!

Kurt: Why?

Principle: How is Karosfky ever going to evolve if he can't keep bullying you? You have prevented his growth! Also I found Finn Hudson wandering the halls! He feels totally lost now he hasn't got you to insult, deny existence of, and then defend TO redeem himself. How will he continue to be a leader if he can't keep relearning the same lesson each week? You are a very inconsiderate person Kurt. I get that everything is about you at the moment, but have you ever thought that without being bullied you can't keep pulling a face and repeating your line about being 'special?'

Kurt: I would, but what about Blaine? We're special. Our special friendship isn't due to become a relationship until Nationals, but still.

Blaine (_enters room, wearing Dalton Uniform) _Hi! I just came to say, it's fine! Everyone knows I will join New Directions eventually, when there is some sort of crisis. Otherwise, how will we continue our relationship once Dalton loses at Regionals? Which will have to happen.

Mr Shue: I don't know Blaine. I don't think you'd like New Directions. You sing all the words for The Warblers, making little sense as you are only a junior member. We actually move when we perform here. Also, we don't wear a uniform so you would have to buy some clothes.

Blaine (_walks off, with a shocked expression on face. He passes several students in their own clothes and runs faster; clearly appaled.)_

END SCENE_

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_Finn and Rachel at lockers. He is staring deep into her eyes and they are about to kiss._

Rachel: Wait! Did you kiss Quinn?

Finn: Yes. Despite our complete hatred for each other and little chemistry, we saw fireworks.

Rachel: That's an odd expression, but anyways: Did you see fireworks with me?

(_Finn is suddenly lost for words. He frowns, then rolls his eyes and finally smiles. Rachel begins to cry.) _

Rachel: You know what! Don't even deny we didn't have fireworks jackass! (_Slaps him) _You couldn't get enough of me when we were together and told everyone that you were in love with me, often when it wasn't even brought up in the conversation. I'm not even going to start on the mailman or that adorable face you pull when you see me.

Quinn: Rachel, I couldn't help but overhear. Don't slap him! Finn's confused. When we kissed, Sue Sylvester let off her canon. This made Finn think he heard Fireworks!

Rachel: Then why did he pull that face? The one of confusion and regret.

Finn: Everyone knows I am always ten seconds behind the conversation. I frowned thinking of Quinn, rolled my eyes because my locker has moved again, then smiled thinking of you. I still lll ….

Rachel: That does sound like a logical explanation Finn but even so, I'm going to ignore the fact you were going to say you loved me. I am going to sing an angry song to the club. Look, it's time for practice again!

(_Bell rings, Finn and Rachel go back to the choir room)_

Finn: It's a never ending cycle! To think we undid all our hard work from yesterday. This could go on for at least another two years. until we graduate.

(_Rachel sits down next to Mercedes, who offers Rachel her tots. They high five. Puck (who has forgotten he should be looking at Quinn) keeps trying to squeeze Rachel's thigh. Finn, delibrately sits next to Quinn and moves his chair so he can spend the whole lesson looking at the back of Rachel's head. Kurt sits in the corner, clutching his I Phone. His Phone comes up with a message from Blaine. He opens it. It reads 'YOU'RE SPECIAL' Mr Shue enters, carrying another briefcase.)_

END SCENE.

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_I still have lots of ideas, I didn't even notice half this stuff until I started writing! Please review; they really make me feel better._


	3. Chapter 3

_WOOP! Tons more reviews! This is the last chapter as I think it's run its course, plus I want to update New Directions. I may return with Comeback take two, depending if the ep is any good. This chapter has slight spoilers for that episode. Also, would like to point out I do really like Finchel. I am just finding the whole situation a little unbelievable right now, hence the sarcasm._

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CHOIR ROOM

_Mr Shue puts down his second briefcase next to the broken one, which is still on the floor. Miraculously, the word CANNABILISM has now disappeared and has__ now been replaced by NATIONALS. Mr Shue gives himself a silent round of applause before turning to the students. _

Mr Shue: Alright guys! Wooh! Way to go! (_Class turn to each other in confusion, wondering what they have done to earn his praise.) _Now I need to talk to you about Nationals!

_Finn takes a break from staring at Rachel's hair and rolls his eyes._

Mr Shue: Do you have a problem Finn?

Finn: Yes I do actually! Are we really going to spend this next lesson talking about Nationals?

Mr Shue: Yes Finn! This lesson is both timely and appropriate. It also reminds everyone that the end of year will be set in New York. We have only mentioned this 36 times since the school year began!

Finn: But Mr Shue, we haven't even competed at Regionals yet. It makes no sense that we keep talking about Nationals, if we can't even compete there?

Mr Shue: I admit we need to find a way to ensure both we and The Warblers win at Regionals, but we'll do it. I mean if we lost it would be almost like nothing has changed this year, which is simply not true! I mean this time last year I was chasing Mrs Pilsbury and now…(_shakes his head) _That's a bad example. Okay, so Finn you and Rachel were denying you were in love, huh? And now... _He turns to Rachel, who is folding her arms. She has swapped her dress for a T-Shirt with the slogan _'Rachel Berry 2.0 Biatches!' on it. Oh well that's just bad timing. But take Quinn, she's a totally different person! She was cheating on her boyfriend and now… Oh you know what? Forget it! The point I'm trying to make is if we lose Regionals twice in a row, people will quickly lose interest in us. Thus we will have to win.

Rachel: Aren't we forgetting about the epic Vocal Adrenaline?

Tina: Yeah, don't they have that Sunshine girl? The one that Rachel sent to a crackhouse at the start of the year. Man, that was a pointless incident.

Mr Shue: It was actually very important as it reminded us all that V.A were still in exsistence. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll mention it a day before Regionals.

Rachel: I'll have you know it taught me an important message about not putting myself before the team. That message stayed with me for three whole weeks until I did the same thing again.

Finn: Isn't that a record for you?

Rachel: I hope that wasn't sarcastic Finn. You have let the team down for your popularity 26 times in the past year.

Artie: PREACH!

Puck: Mr Shue has a point. Although there is no point selecting song choices guys, we won't win at Nationals.

Mr Shue: Well obviously not Puck (_rolls eyes)_ or there will be nothing to achieve the following year. But the important thing is that we use Nationals as a way to come together as a team.

Sam Evans: I don't get it, we are a team already, aren't we? We come together as a team every week in the last five minutes of Glee. Only to forget what it is like to be a team the following week.

Mr Shue: I don't like your tone Evans! I've told you, you need to resign yourself to the background now Quinn has lost interest. Please learn from Mike who did a perfectly good job of this until he got with Tina.

(_Mike smiles and then for no apparent reason, stands up and starts to lock and pop)_

Sam Evans: Well at least we don't have to worry about money for Nationals right? Since Figgins gave us the Cheerio budget, that's like our tickets paid for. That's awesome!

(_Everyone turns towards Sam. There is a total silence. Sam shifts in his seat uncomfortably. Then getting bored, begins to brush his hair and apply chapstick.)_

Noah Puckerman: Dude! That is totally not cool! Everyone knows to ignore that part! Otherwise how will we spend the weeks before Nationals, if not trying to find the money to compete?

Finn Hudson: Dammit! Now everyone knows my kissing booth was because I'm a total man whore and not due to my dedication to the team.

Rachel: Well duh! (_high fives Mercedes) _Look at me, I'm high fiving and it's adorable!

Mr Shue: I am this close to sending you to the principle's office Sam. You are ruining all my carefully planned life lessons. Now, so we're clear we do not have the money for Nationals. A week before we go I will bring up this important point. We must all start to cry!

Rachel: Then we will find the money one day before we leave, giving us no time to prepare. Which will explain why we lose, right?

Mr Shue: Exactly. But guys, we'll be in New York! It will be amazing and I am sure to end up sharing a room with Emma.

_(Pause as a delivery man enters the room) _

Delivery Man (who looks suspiciously like cherub football player) Err, twelve Glee club costumes? In the style of red plaid? Oh and one douchey red hat?

_Mr Shue, smiles, and signs__ for the delivery._

Sam Evans: And another thing? If we're trying to save money, do we have to dress up for the final number each week? These costumes seem to be over the top and unnecessary?

Mr Shue (_passes the red hat to Finn, who stares at it, somewhat confused.) _I am of course the perfect role model to my students Sam, but if you keep going on I will get rid of you.

Sam Evans: Wait is that a death threat?

_(Mr Shue laughs evil__y and shakes his head) _Of course not, Sam! We're family. Finn, this hat is for you to wear. And Rachel the cute shirt is for you.

Finn: This is an awful hat. Is it a metaphor? Like I'm the leader so I'm the only one wearing a hat?

Mr Shue: Kind of. I'm trying to show Rachel is now completely adorable, while you look like a complete idiot at every opportunity.

Finn: Oh. Makes sense. Should I try hitting on somebody else now to further prove your point?

Sam: Can I speak? I actually had an idea to share. Firstly, I think I am going to go out with Santana. When at Breadsticks, I had something in my eye but I think we shared a look. It's inevitable. Secondly, I am going to win Quinn back from Finn by singing a Justin Beiber song, whilst wearing a fashionable hoodie. GAME ON! (_Applies more chapstick)_

Santana: I was actually checking out Brittany's reflection in the mirror but whatevs.

Mr Shue: Well just give the first idea a try Sam, don't get ahead of yourself. We can't possibly fit a solo for you in with the Rachel/Finn duets we have planned and Rachel's seven solos about independence. Plus we had all this plaid stuff ordered, it seems unnecessary for all the guys to start wearing hoodies. What next? The girls dressing like Rachel Berry?

_(everyone laughs. Rachel has a lightbulb moment and begins to write in her notebook)._

Santana: Totally, this means Sam now has a valid reason to be on the team! Plus Sam, why not leave the song a couple of months? By then Quinn will be with Puck and looking for an ex- boyfriend to fall in love with again.

Finn: True dude! I didn't even bother with a song but it worked for me! I just said five words to her and it all came flooding back.

Quinn: I am a wholesome Christian girl. It's not my fault I am occasionally overcome with desire to cheat. I always pray before and after. But yeah Sam, I would totally fangirl over a Beiber song. The only time I pay any interest in Puck is when he picks up a guitar.

Mr Shue: Well that's a plan then! If we could time it for Nationals it would perfect. Perhaps Sam or Puck could even walk out at the last minute? Causing a minor panic and the opportunity for one of my speeches. Congratulations Sam, you are no longer in danger of transferring. Mike, I'm afraid we may need to talk once Tina and Artie get back together.

_(Mike sighs sadly. Artie winks at Tina.)_Class dismissed. Now remember to work on your projects.

Brittany: Mr Sue, you didn't set us a project?

Rachel: Don't worry Brittany, I am the only one who listens to the homework set anyway. Mr Shue will have forgotten all about it come next week. I doubt you'll have another opportunity to sing unless we do Britney again.

Artie: PREACH!

END SCENE

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_Someone mentioned a glee sims spoof video on their review. I hadn't watched it but just did and it's hi-larious! It inspired my Sam chapstick comments! Just put it into youtube!__Hope you enjoyed the story, if so please review. _


	4. AN

A/N

Hi guys! Just to let you know, continuing this under the new story 'Season 2; Take 2.'

Check it out!

Thanks for all the reviews.


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